November

For as long as I can remember, November has always been my least favorite month. Since my teen years, it has been the month that has caused me the most mental strain and brought me to my darkest moments. This year is no different. November was a rough month.

As we come to the end of yet another month and one step closer to the end of 2018, I felt myself come to a crossroads and needing to do a lot of self reflection. That, if it wasn’t obvious, is what lead to me taking a hiatus from the blog. Despite saying that I was going to be writing flash fiction every day, I just couldn’t. I didn’t have the energy, the will, or any of the creativity I needed this month to keep up with the demand I had put on myself. So, I put this on the back burner and I hated it but I needed to do it.

November started out with the passing of my grandfather. We weren’t close, not by any of the stretch of the imagination. Without getting into the nitty gritty and the family  drama, I hadn’t seen my grandfather in eighteen years. We had started to communicate via letters and were having some kind of relationship that had me even planning to visit him in Charlotte by the end of this year. But I guess that’s why you should never put life on hold. This passing has had an affect on me that I wasn’t expecting and I still haven’t been able to put into words. All I know is that it kicked off a month of mental and emotional exhaustion for me.

I felt like I was riding an emotional rollercoaster for this entire month. I had extreme highs and what felt like devastating lows. Some days were too much while others were completely fine. I wasn’t sure how to cope with the constant and extreme changes. So, I tried to isolate myself as much as I could when I needed to. But then I would try and get out as much as I could. Nothing was making me feel better.

I’m still working on feeling more like myself again but with November on its way out, I hope it takes the annual mental strife with it.

Good riddance, November.

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