Burn Out

I’m usually a pretty active person. I’m always doing something or working on something. There’s always something to plan or somewhere to go. I try to say yes to as much as I can.

Yesterday I may have over done it.

After a long day at work, I had to race to to a college fair where I was working as an alumni representative for my university. I was more than happy to do it. Excited even. I love getting to talk to potential students about the University of New Hampshire. The night before, I agreed to also go to a concert that same night.

Oh boy. Too many yeses, not enough time.

So I go to the college fair and meet a lot of great kids and admission reps from around the country. Around 8pm, I was rushing out the door to try and turn a 40 minute drive into a 20 minute drive (don’t do this kids). All so I could go to a concert with my ex boyfriend.

I managed to shave off enough time on my drive that I surprised him with how early I was to pick him up. We went to the venue and got checked in and grabbed some drinks. Then, the tiredness started setting in.

It wasn’t just my usual tired though. It was an unsettled, anxious tired. Like my body was reaching its breaking point from all the stress it’s been under. Where it seems like my anti-anxiety meds should have kicked in, they weren’t. I was anxious and a little shaky. I could tell I was off because i kept fidgeting with my hands, my go to signal if I can’t be shredding paper.

I needed to calm down but I wanted to have fun. It was hard though.

Tim and I have been fine in the weeks since our break up. We’re friends and we have a special relationship together. Last night was just off for us and that added to my unsettled feeling. I kept trying to have fun but felt like I was being shut down. I wanted to be touched and feel wanted and I didn’t. I was just there.

I had to choose to have fun despite how my mind was spiraling out.

The opening act took my mind off everything for a little bit but the people, mostly young frat dudes from the local college, Keira bringing me right out. Someone would touch me the wrong way and the hair on the back of my neck would just stand right up. I was trying to fake happy but my body just wanted to stop.

I was torn between wanting to enjoy everything and just going home. Of course, I couldn’t.

The night and the show had their moments and it was a good show but I realized as we went back to the car that I was just completely burnt out. 18 hours of non stop activity plus exhaustion and stress finally beat me.

So, this weekend is going to be able me and taking some time to reset.

Wish me luck.

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