This month, I decided that I would be blogging every day. I don’t know why March seemed like the right time to change up my blogging schedule but here we go. There will be a lot of self-reflection posts (because isn’t spring good for cleaning your room and mind?), fun posts, and a lot more! To kick off the month, I wanted to write a letter to myself in ten years when I’ll be 33.
Ten years is a long time but at the same time I can’t imagine it being all that different from now when you’re twenty three. Sure, I assume that you’ve made some major life changes. by thirty three. I’m guessing that you’re not living at home any more and that you, at the very least, are dating someone who you can share an apartment or a house or something with. I hope that you are happy and satisfied with how life has treated you so far.
As I’m sure you’ll remember things right now are a bit shakey. Nothing seems certain and you have an overwhelming sense of being trapped. Not just trapped though. You are both trapped and free and have no idea where to go. It is terrible. You thought you were happy but either lack of sunshine or the fucked up chemistry of your brain is making life incredibly difficult– hopefully you’ve gotten this straightened out. You’re an organized person so I’m sure you’ve finally dragged yourself to a doctor to figure this all out. If not, can you put it on a to do list?
Anyways, life is a series of ups and down and you never know what is going to come next. Well, I don’t know what is going to come next. You’ve already lived it. It seems like the floor is always getting ready to fall out from under my feet. It is nerve wracking. I’m figuring out how to get around that feeling though. I’m learning to be by myself and to be comfortable with that. Which is weird since I’ve been alone for a long time. It is different now.
There are times when I want to be alone. Where I just need to escape and go out into nature and think. You’ve been doing that a lot lately. Even when it has only been ten degrees outside– note to self, buy more gloves! I’m trying to figure out how I can become you. Or rather become what I hope you are. I haven’t met you but I bet you’re pretty cool.
At this point in my life, I can only think about what I can do to become who I want to be. Taking the steps is challenging but I’m trying. I’m hoping to find a job that I truly love and that makes me happy– although I’m not sure what that will be. I hope to find someone who wants to adventure with me and share a life. I hope that I will get to travel and move to other places instead of just living close to home.
There is so much to say but hopefully I’ll do too. Hopefully I’m turning myself into the you that I can be proud of.